My Struggle Was Real
The last two years of my life have been tough. On the outside looking in I can easily see how people might be like, ok – what do you have to deal with that’s so hard? My simple answer is life.
Life is hard for everyone. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you wear (although in my opinion cute clothes make any day better), what kind of car you drive or how dope your instagram profile is. Everyone goes through their struggles.
For me, well overall I suffered from anxiety (still do), post partum depression and an identity crisis. Triple Threat right?!
Go big or go home is my motto. LOL.
In all seriousness, I can make jokes now because I am SO much better, but there were recent days when I simply was not.
I struggled with adapting to motherhood. I had a hard time transitioning from being a corporate city girl to a mom in the burbs. My social life shifted. Our financial status changed. I missed my family and my best friends in NY and just basically everything I knew had changed after the birth of my second daughter.
I felt lost. Unsure. Overwhelmed. Sad.
The Demands Of Motherhood
Being a mom was so much harder than I expected. Being a mom of two children was even harder. The needs of someone else constantly took priority and it rocked my world. I didn’t have children until I was 36 and 38 and frankly, I was pretty settled in my adult ways. It was hard for me to accept this changing dynamic.
I remember days when I would lock myself in the bathroom and cry all the cries. I felt so alone and lost. What had I done? Where did I go? What am I doing? Those were the questions I would constantly ask myself.
I just kept saying over and over to myself, I lost the person I used to be. She’s gone and I can’t get her back. Can anyone else relate to that feeling?
If you feel like motherhood has shifted your identity and you are struggling to find your way, please know this. You are NOT Lost.
You are still very much you.
The package might look a little different and it might take a little more effort to let yourself shine, but you are still there….In all of your fabulosity!
Realize You Can Create Yourself
One of the biggest lessons I learned through this experience was that I needed to shift my thinking.
How so?
Well, we have to be OK with letting go of who we were. Not completely, but pieces of ourselves. For me, I had to let go of my NYC identity because that’s not who I am now.
Scary as fuck. Because then who the hell am I???
BUT, I learned that it’s OK to say I am no longer that person. Because we are not the same as we were a year ago. We all change and grow and evolve. It can be a beautiful thing! And while it may be scary, there is such power in recognizing that as we move forward in our lives, we get to create ourselves!
I will say it again. We get to create ourselves!
We can shape ourselves into anything we want to be.
And the best part, we can still bring with us all the things we love about ourselves.
I may not be a career girl in NYC, but I still love marketing and branding and business. I am forever obsessed with clothes. I love helping and supporting others. I am a fitness enthusiast. I’d rather laugh than cry and I hate any sort of confrontation.
You see, the things that make us who we really are don’t change. They are still part of us. We might end up presenting ourselves a little differently, or our environments change, or our work may change. We might feel like our shine is dimmed a bit by the demands of motherhood but know that your light has certainly not gone out.
Embrace The Things That Bring You Joy
I challenge you to think about things you can do to help you feel like the woman you know you are. Even the smallest things can have a great impact!
For me, I have decided because I love clothes, I am getting dressed everyday. It doesn’t matter if I am only going to roam the aisles of Target. If I want to wear high-heeled OTK boots, you better believe I will. And I will look fabulous doing it!
I started a business because I needed to do more around my passion for branding and marketing and I wanted to think about something other than my kid’s schedules.
I allow my daughter to watch the Ipad so that I can find time to exercise. And I give zero fucks what anyone else thinks about that, because exercise is so much a part of me and it helps me feel strong.
Yes, I still have my fair share of hot mess moments, but overall getting intentional about what makes me happy has made such a difference.
So to any mama who might be sitting in her bathroom right now crying, I see you. You are not lost. You are just in a season of change. And it’s ok, to not feel ok right now. But please know that the person you are evolving into, well she is beautiful, strong and everything you could ever want her to be!
And remember ladies, you’re never fully dressed until you sparkle!
Well said my friend! So inspirational. Love and miss you! Xx