Actually, I’m Not Sorry
Earlier this week I needed to return a belt I had bought. It was a cute black velvet belt and I really liked it. When I paired it with the outfit I had imagined it would look great with, it just didn’t work. Annoying. I totally hate when that happens.
I decided to return the belt because I realized that I really didn’t need it. Figured I could try that whole financial responsibility thing my hubs keeps talking about. HAHA. JOKE.
Anyway, when I went to customer service they asked me if anything was wrong with the belt. My immediate response was, “No. I’m sorry, I just don’t need it”.
As I heard the words come out of my mouth I kind of stopped. I was like, wait….wtf am I apologizing for?
Aren’t I allowed to not like something?
Aren’t I allowed to change my mind?
I mean, I have my receipt!
The obvious answer to both those questions is YES. So why is it that I am saying sorry right now?
Why Am I Apologizing?
In that moment I decided that I am no longer going to allow myself to say “I’m sorry” for things that I don’t need to apologize for.
When I made this declaration, I wondered if I was the only who needed to do this.
Think about it for a minute. Do you ever find yourself apologizing for things that you really don’t feel sorry about?
Why do we do that? Is it because we feel bad for inconveniencing someone? Or do we not want to make anyone upset?
Or does it go even deeper? Do we feel like our needs and wants are not as important as someone else’s?
For me, I am pretty sure it’s D: ALL OF THE ABOVE.
It got me thinking about other moments in life where we might default to apologizing first before expressing what it is we actually need. I came up with a list of quite a few, but for this post, I paired it down or otherwise we might be here all day!
In all seriousness, here are some scenarios where I think we need to stop apologizing and just own our truth. We are strong women. We are mothers, friends, daughters, business women, athletes, and a million others things in this world.
What we are not, is meek. We are not unworthy. We are not undeserving. We are not selfish. And we should never be sorry for using our voice.
Here is the thing. Our words have so much power and when we start a sentence with the words, “I am sorry” it immediately diminishes our voice, our confidence and our strength.
When To Stop Yourself
So the next time you find yourself in one of these situations, think of me and pause. Choose your words carefully and be sure that if you are saying sorry, it is because you truly are!
Asking For Help. Would you ever tell your child to apologize for asking for your help with something? How about your stressed out co-worker, sick best friend or elderly neighbor? Of course not! So if you need help with something, there is no need to feel guilty about it. Especially because in general, most people in this world want to be helpful. We all like to feel needed and to feel good by doing something kind for others. I know I do. So for me, no more acting like I am an inconvenience to others when I truly need help. Because I am not. I will be grateful and I will be sure to pay it forward but I will not apologize for needing support.
Asking for something to be corrected or fixed. I know I am guilty of this one! Ever get charged the wrong price or be given a meal that you didn’t order? How do you start the conversation? “I’m sorry but….” Am I right? What are we sorry for? We didn’t make the mistake! It’s OK to simply ask for it to be corrected!
Saying no. I am a people pleaser by nature. I hate to disappoint others so I have a very hard time saying no to someone. Even if it ends up meaning that I do something at my own expense.
Ever feel guilty for saying no, even when you really truly want to say no? Instead of just saying, “no I can’t” we end up saying “I”m sorry”. There is no need to apologize for being honest about not wanting to do something. Your time is yours and you get to choose how you spend it and who you spend it with.
Needing alone time. This. This alllll day. If I am honest, I struggle with this one a lot. I basically have no family local to speak of and a husband who works a ton. So needless to say, I am in mom mode 24/7. As a woman who lived alone in NYC for over 10 years well into her 30s, I crave solitude at times. And I often feel guilty for wanting it. Especially when I am looking for alone time away from my little ones. But the truth is, we all need a chance to recharge. We all need a break from the constant demands of our kids. It makes us better moms, partners and friends. We should not apologize for wanting to be the best version of ourselves we can be.
Not being ok. It is ok to not be ok sometimes. Life is not perfect and we all need to have moments where we can just let ourselves be comfortably uncomfortable. I don’t know about you guys but I have plenty of hot mess express moments in my life. And I am done saying sorry for any of it.
You are entitled to use your voice and express your feelings. It is certainly not something you ever need to apologize for. So the next time you find yourself in one of these situations, be selective with your words! You can be kind and gentle and still make your point or solve your problem without having to apologize for it first.
And remember ladies, you’re not fully dressed until you sparkle!
