The fab life
I am the mother of two small girls. They are oozing with energy, excitement, confidence and are in awe of the world around them. They are excited to try new things, make new friends and at this moment in life, they both believe that they can be and do anything they want in their life.
Some days they are all about being princesses, other days it’s doctors, pirates, or explorers. I love their vibe and frankly it’s been a bit contagious for me. I guess you can say I’ve started to drink their organic pear juice (if this was 1985 it would be kool-aid). Or maybe it’s a bit of the whole vibe/tribe thing going on and since I roll deep with toddlers, I am very in tune to those big dreams. I’m not exactly sure.
What I am sure of, is that it’s a fab place to be in your mind. To really truly believe you can and will be successful. Feeling that confidence is MAJOR. But, it’s not an easy place to get to. It seems to elude so many of us and I can’t help but wonder why?
When does it change?
What happens to us as women as we grow up?
Where along the way do we lose that self confidence, that belief that we can do anything?
What causes us to doubt ourselves?
Are we so impacted by our experiences, our fears, our parents fears or society telling us over and over again what we can and should be, that we let those dreams fade?
I talk to so many women who have every right in the world to believe they will be successful. Yet I hear doubt. I hear questions. I see fear, disbelief, low self-esteem and lack of confidence.
What can we do?
So, what can we as women do to channel our inner Beyonce and chase our dreams? Build our confidence of course!
1. Ask yourself empowering questions. One of the biggest ways to improve your self confidence is to shift your mindset. I know, here we go again on the mindset stuff. But hear me out.
When we ask ourselves a question, we are trying to come to some sort of a conclusion. When you ask yourself something like, “why me?” or “why did this happen” your conclusion tends to result in a more negative answer. Imagine though if instead you asked, “what can I do to fix this?” or “ what can I learn from this?” You shift the conclusion you make from a negative one to an empowered one.
The more you focus on the empowered response, the more likely you are to feel empowered. See how that works? It’s not an easy shift to make, but it can be life changing.
2. Speak slowly. Confident women speak slowly. Talk at a pace that feels conversational and engaging. When you talk too fast, you can come off as nervous or even amateurish. You can also end up rambling or saying things you wished you hadn’t said! So take your time and think about the words coming out of your mouth. You will feel more in control of your thoughts and the conversation.
3. Help others. This one is a no brainer. When you are kind and help others for no other reason than to be kind and to help others, it makes you feel good about yourself. And feeling good about yourself is the fastest way to building confidence!
4. Say no. Let go of the FOMO. It’s so 2015 anyway. Learning to say no to things you don’t really feel like doing or aren’t interested in doing will reduce your burnout. Confident women would much rather say yes and attend something that brings them joy rather than be over scheduled and do something for the sake of pleasing someone else or to say they did it. They are OK with not attending every event. So if it’s not a firm yes, just say NO!
5. Be your own person. The most confident women are the ones who don’t feel the need to conform to everyone else. They aren’t interested in being a cookie cutter version of the woman standing next to them. So embrace your inner weirdness and let it shine. Do all the things you love to do even if others might not think it’s cool. After all it’s who you are. The more you are true to you, the happier you will feel. And happy people are confident people.
6. Educate yourself. Knowledge might be one of the most powerful tools for self-confidence. The more you know, the more confident you can be in your thoughts and opinions.
7. Take pride in your appearance. A confident women doesn’t focus on her beauty or the size of her skinny jeans. BUT she does take the time everyday to put herself together to send a message to the world that she cares enough about herself to look and feel her best. When you make the effort to brush your hair everyday you are telling yourself and the world, that you are worth it.
8. Nurture your relationships. Fostering a sense of love and connection with the people closest to you not only makes you feel good, but when you’ve had a bad day, you can count on those relationships to help build you back up. Sometimes you just need a friend to drink a bottle of wine with you, or your mom to say she loves you. People don’t always want to give though without receiving. So make sure you are filling other peoples “love tanks” just as much as they fill yours!
9. Make physical and mental health a priority. When you feel good, you feel good. Your body deserves rest, exercise and hydration. Your mind deserves positive information and relaxation. When both your body and mind are nurtured and taken care of, you feel all the feels. So take care of yourself and you will see a shift in how you view not only yourself, but your place in the world.
10. Have a sense of humor. Learn to laugh more. Life is hard. Even for the most confident women. But laughter is also the best medicine and the more you are able to laugh things off, the happier you will be.
If you enjoyed reading this blog and want to connect with some really awesome and confident women, come join me over in my Facebook Group, The Sparkle Coterie.
And remember ladies, you’re not fully dressed until you sparkle!
